My Internal Struggle

Alley has left the building.

And by building, I mean the walk towards a godly life.

Not many of you know, but I go to a community college in good ole’ Mississippi and in a year I will be transferring to Mississippi College. My senior year was focused on being who God wants me to be and to grow in my faith, but once I got to community college, it all seemed to have changed. I was doing great, or so I thought. I have realized how much I rely on other’s encouragement to keep striving for a godly life. Once I got here, I realized how little the people here actually strive to be godly. It diminished me. I have no longer felt the happiness inside when I pray to God or read the bible or listen to KLOVE. It seems as if it disappeared. The reason I told you about MC, is because I feel that when I get there, my faith will grow stronger. The college is built on a godly foundation. I know I am not supposed to just “wait” til’ I am around more people. I know that the fact that there are so little here who “go for God” should inspire me to reach out to those people and build up this generation. Yet, I do not feel inspiration, or happiness, or motivation. I feel nothing. It is hard to keep doing something you feel no emotion in. As much as I have prayed and talked about this, I do not get any emotions still towards Him. It is weird. And I have no idea what to do. So this is me asking for some advice or words of encouragement. Am I the only one? Or is there someone else out there too?


Patience Factor

You know when you stray away from God and then the day that you decide to fix the relationship, everything seems to tumble down on you? I feel like that is happening to me. Yesterday was my first day back at school with my heart and mind set on Jesus. Yesterday was also the day where my patience was being tested, people wouldn’t cooperate, and I just wanted to lock myself into my room and cry. Yesterday was a day gone wrong. God definitely was trying to give me a day to stay strong and stay patient. If any of you guys know me, my patience is not the best. God knows what needs to be worked on in me, and he spent no time wasted yesterday. I did not do what I should have done yesterday. Instead, I let everyone’s words, actions, and drama-filled stories get the best of me and I would get snappy. I feel like I failed.


I prayed about it after I reflected on the day. I prayed that God can continue to work on that part about me. I prayed that God could continue to soften my heart. I prayed that I can be more and more like Him everyday. And I prayed that I would not let worldly things get the best of me.

I felt a lot better after that. I know God has a plan and God has a way for me. I need to develop patience and I need to keep my endurance. I need to follow God’s light and shine that same light wherever I go. I can do this. If others can, I can.