My Internal Struggle

Alley has left the building.

And by building, I mean the walk towards a godly life.

Not many of you know, but I go to a community college in good ole’ Mississippi and in a year I will be transferring to Mississippi College. My senior year was focused on being who God wants me to be and to grow in my faith, but once I got to community college, it all seemed to have changed. I was doing great, or so I thought. I have realized how much I rely on other’s encouragement to keep striving for a godly life. Once I got here, I realized how little the people here actually strive to be godly. It diminished me. I have no longer felt the happiness inside when I pray to God or read the bible or listen to KLOVE. It seems as if it disappeared. The reason I told you about MC, is because I feel that when I get there, my faith will grow stronger. The college is built on a godly foundation. I know I am not supposed to just “wait” til’ I am around more people. I know that the fact that there are so little here who “go for God” should inspire me to reach out to those people and build up this generation. Yet, I do not feel inspiration, or happiness, or motivation. I feel nothing. It is hard to keep doing something you feel no emotion in. As much as I have prayed and talked about this, I do not get any emotions still towards Him. It is weird. And I have no idea what to do. So this is me asking for some advice or words of encouragement. Am I the only one? Or is there someone else out there too?

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Been Gone for Jesus

Learning

Yes, I know, it has been way to long since I have posted. Sorry for the wait if any of you guys were waiting. First things first…..I was gone for Jesus. Sounds funky, huh? Well, I attended Centrifuge which is an amazing camp. It is a church camp which focuses on you learning about Jesus without pushing it. I got to participate in tons of crazy fun activities and learn about Jesus. I definitely learned a lot in that one week I was there. I am just glad I was able to have more questions answered and able to grow in my love for Christ. I also came to the realization that I want to be a Centrifuge staffer when I hit 20 years old! I feel like that would be the perfect summer job for me! It has great benefits too. Next year, I get to be a leader when the youth goes. I am sooooo excited! I get to actually sit back and watch the kids learn and grow right in front of me! After Centrifuge I had to work some orientations for my college and that was a crazy rewarding experience. I got to learn more about my school and help others figure out what to do, where to go, etc. I even made sure it was fun 😉 I have also been able to grow closer to my other team members. Tomorrow I have to work another one and I am genuinely excited about it.

Lately I have had a mishap happen. My roommate, Ashton, texted me and told me that she was not going to be attending the college anymore, therefore, I need to find another roommate. She said she would keep her spot in the room until I could find one. She was not mean about it. She just saw a different future for herself. So here I am freaking out about not finding a roommate because it is so late in the summer and everyone I know has already contacted their roommates. I was extremely nervous about having some random person getting thrown off the waiting list and into my room. Well….today, Ashton texted me and asked if I found one yet and I had to tell her no. She texted back immediately and told me “Thank goodness because I decided to stay”. UM. HELLO. I am one happy camper!!!!! All stress was taken away from me in that moment and the only person I knew I needed to thank was God. He definitely blessed me in that moment. He made that work together for my good!

On that note, I am going to go and read my new book. Bye everyone 🙂